What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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