The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
