So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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