I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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