In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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