this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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