just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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