im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
