Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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