In the future we'll all be gay
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
