would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
