You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
