Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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