She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
