Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I didn't shave. On purpose
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
