So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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