I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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