I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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