I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
