What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
