I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
