Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize