That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
