you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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