I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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