i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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