i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
