3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
