Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
