32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
