paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
