sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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