so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
