i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
