drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
