i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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