I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
