she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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