I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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