people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
