Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize