the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
These tits shall not be calmed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
