Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize