Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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