"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
