You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
