As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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