I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize