Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Come see our sink grown plant.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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