So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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I still have a little drunk in my system
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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