hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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