just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize