Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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