So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
