You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
