Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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