Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
