dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
