there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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