I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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